This one Goes out to my sister.

So I thought I share a little bit of my testimony through song. There's this song that takes me to a place of hope. Most people that know me know of my adoptive sisters Jamie and Brandi. Not many know of my my blood sisters. This one goes out to my sister Brenda. A hope for my sister to find Christ as her LORD and savior and love of her life. I am sure that many of you know the song“Into the night” by Benny Mardones. Sure it's a passionate love song but that is not how I interpret it. A song that my sisters husband liked for her...but regardless I say it's more of my song to her. You see my sister was kicked out of the house when she was just 13 years old and I was just two. From what I understand my 13 year old sister met this man who is now her husband when he was 27 and she was just 13. At age 15 she had their 1^st baby, and and at age 16 had their second. I never really cared for him for he was really abusive to her and my nephews. So this song goes out to my sister. It starts

“Shes just 16 years old, leave her alone they say”, My thoughts for her abusive husband.

“Separated by fools who don't know what love is yet” You and I separated by foolish things that happened to us growing up.

“But I want you know...If I could fly, I'd pick you up” my wish that I was an angel to take you away from all the abuse and hurt you have ever faced. “I'd take you into the night and show you a love like you never seen ever seen” I would take you to the foot of the cross and show her the love of Jesus a love she has never seen.

“It's like having a dream where nobody has a heart. It's like having it all and watching it all fall apart” I'm sorry nobody loved you like you so deserved. “And I would wait til the end of time for you, and do it again it's true” Though we don't talk no more and I can not save you like I want to I will wait for you. “I can't measure my love there's nothing to compare it to.” I love you more then you will ever know.

“But I want you to know if I could fly, I'd pick you up.”

Time flies

I can not believe already my baby is 2months going on 3months. Where does the time go. My baby no longer fits into his new born clothes, and it makes me so sad. When I hold him, sometimes I think I just want to hold him all day and soak in all this smallness, and neediness, and just never let go. I want to capture all these moments, and never forget how precious he is. I kinda feel like in a way I have this second chance of another little Isaac, if that makes any sense. When he wakes up to be fed he makes these little noises, and does these stretches to like let me know he's waking up, without crying, but if I wait too long he will cry. In the moments when he's nursing, and even though it's late at night, and I'm tired, I just adore looking down at him laying by my side with his little curled hands by the sides of his cheeks, and these beady little eyes peering up at me, as if to say “thanks mom”. Oh how it melts my heart. When I hold him against my left shoulder and he's this little ball just snuggled up to me, I can't help but kiss him a billion times. More then that he gets this proud look as if to say my mama LOVES me. What can I say I love this boy. 

Some mile stones so far are: starting to sleep through the night for 6-7 hours at a time. Yay!

*He's a talkative little guy...has the cutest little coos and yelps.

*Smiles other then when he has gas.

*His buddy Luke and cousin Phillip where born. (Not necessarily his mile stone, but buddies his age that have come so far.)

*He did hid first giggle...for his brother of course. It was so cute. Can't wait for when he does it again.

I love seeing my family grow. Isaac just loves his baby brother. Sometimes I think a little too much. He wants to just smother him, and play with him regardless if he can play yet. He wants to be “mama”, which kinda scares me just because then I get to see how he sees me mothering. It's very humbling because I know I need to be aware of how how I'm being. I adore seeing my husband with his two sons. It just makes me smile. It takes me back to our argument when we were dating, and I wasn't very thrilled that he always talked about having boys when all I wanted was girls. I always felt in my heart though that GOD was telling me that I would one day have his boys. That was a scary thought because as a preschool teacher my boys where tough to handle. However I accepted the fact I was going to have my husbands boys, and was and is thrilled to have his boys. So when I see my husband holding our two boys I am constantly reminded of GOD's promise, and that it has been fulfilled...however I do believe GOD has also put it in my heart my desire for a baby girl...but that's for things to come. For now I just enjoy my two boys who I just can't get enough of. The joys of motherhood.

D Day

As of Tuesday July 26^th, I started having contractions around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. At first I thought nothing of it because I have been having random contractions now for the past week. Then I realized these ones have some consistency to them; I noticed at least 2 every hour and decided I probably should be tracking these. As you would know it, I was having contractions every 20 minutes. Still I didn’t think much of it and thought eventually these will taper off, but just in case, I better head to Target for a few things I still needed, such as a changing pad, if this baby decides to come. Unexpectedly, around 7 o'clock in the evening when I had gotten home the contractions increased to 8-10 minutes apart. Now I was nervous and was trying to keep busy while I waited for Jeff to get home to know what we should do. I was scheduled for my C-section August 3^rd the following Wednesday. When Jeff got home he was shocked and unsure what to do as well, being that in the past it's been known that I don't dilate very well, but because I was scheduled for a C-section we didn't want to chance any complications so we headed to the hospital. So the nurses do their routine check up, and as you would know it I am still at a zero. UGH! Not only am I not dilated anything but I am 4 days shy of being 39 weeks so the Dr. has my contractions slowed down with some lovely brethane and sent home. The next day, I'm still having contractions, but they're just very far apart. It becomes obvious that this baby wants out. I listen to what the nurse told me to do and that was to take it easy and drink lots of water. Thursday comes and now the contractions are closer together. That day I had a Dr. appointment and decided to have my Dr. check me to avoid having to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, I'm only a one and so my Dr. encourages me to try and wait til at least Saturday when I will be 39 weeks for the sake of the baby, but obviously go the hospital if contractions get closer. So, since were in Upland and my husband needed to get his eyes checked we try to stay local in case I have to go to the hospital. We go to get my husband's eye checked from the surgery he had a few weeks ago in which they have to dilate his eye. Let me paint a picture for you. At this point my contractions are becoming 6 minutes apart, and my husbands eye is dilated, and now we have become quite the interesting couple. Not quite ready to go the hospital we decided to have lunch. Yes, I ate because of my history being sent home. By the time were through having lunch my contractions are now 5 minutes apart. So once again we head to the hospital. As you would know it I was still only at a 1, and I am feeling so discouraged. This time they give me double the douse of brethane to completely stop the contractions and again they tell me to take it easy and drink lots of water. I try to make the best of the situation by picking up our son Isaac and took him to Build-a-Bear to build his brother a puppy for him to bring Jesiah for when he comes and visits us in the hospital, a little tradition Jeff and I started with Isaac. I can feel the contractions wanting to come back but I do my best to having them start again and head home and rest. In the middle of the night I lose my mucus plug and think oh no. I don't want to do this again. Around 4:45 they're back, and back with a vengeance. I'm tired, discouraged and just wore out. I think maybe I can slow them down myself by taking a warm shower. That was not the case this time around. I'm contracting every 4 minutes so I call my awesome sister to let her know we will be bringing Isaac back once again. After we drop Isaac off and head to the hospital I notice the contractions have become more like 6 minutes, and I am just praying “LORD please let them keep me in the hospital, and let me have this baby...LORD I'm just going to trust in you that even if I'm still only a one they will keep me. LORD I will trust in you even if they send me home again. Let not my will be done but your will.” Just as I thought I was still only a one, but like I said I was going to still trust GOD through this. The nurse said will give you some brethane but if they continue we will keep you. As we're waiting they continue, and in comes my Dr. She asks how do I feel, and I tell her not very well...and she say's “well you're not in full labor but we're going to keep you here and you're going to have this baby today.” The best thing she could ever say to me. Praise GOD, my prayer had been answered. At 12:45 they take me in for pre-op. At 1:26 comes this beautiful baby boy, my son Jesiah. Tears of joy just fill my eyes. This is the moment I had been waiting for. Love at first sight. I can't help but to think about our GOD and how he sent his only begotten son, and what we probably mean to him as His children. Even though I went through days of contractions I look at my child and think I would do whatever it took to have this baby, my son,whatecver pain I had to bear, whatecver tears I shed, whatever complications I had to endure, I would do it all over again. I think of Jesus the prayer he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane that if it was LORD's will that he would let this cup pass from him. In the deepest part of his heart he would do whatever it took to have us, his children the ones he loves so dearly. No amount of pain kept Him from that cross, so that we, His children could have eternal life with Him. To not be separated from HIS love, and he did do exactly that. Yours and my sins were bared with Him on the cross.

Final Stretch

During this last trimester I have just gotten more and more uncomfortable. My stomach itches like crazy, but if you itch beware, you will get stretch marks. It's like some sort of personal Chinese torture. UGH! Then there’s the feeling of things that annoy me. If it annoys me I just want to throw it away. For example little trinket toys that I constantly find around the house, these day's I just throw it away. Then I feel better, and it no longer annoys me. Let me tell you purging for me has gotten easy in this stage. As my stomach has grown I find that it's in the way, and can barely bend. So when my son throws his sippy cup down it really angers me because I don't want to bend down and pick it up. My solution: get him down and have him pick it up. Then I realized my other options when it comes to bending. One having someone else pick them up like my son or my husband. If there's a mess on the floor I try using my foot to clean it up. If I end up dropping something these days though sometimes I'll just leave it because someone else will pick it up. Sounds lazy but having a kid jammed up into your ribs is very uncomfortable.

For all who have been pregnant knows very well that last trimester is very tiring. Some days I just want to sleep. Of course having a toddler makes that impossible. During this last trimester it's been bitter sweet. The anticipation of our next little bundle of joy coming is exciting, but then there's these fear of "what if's". Such as what if I don't love this baby as much as my first. What if there's jealousy between the two boys. I hope I just keep in mind they are two separate people. I hope I'm not always comparing the two but I want them to share common interest. Such as playing baseball. Most important to me is that knowing there's a third child in the future is that my baby boy would not end up with the cliche “middle child syndrome.” One other hope is that all the family would love this baby just as much as they love Isaac. No favorites. The anticipation just goes on and on.

During these last days it has been a count down to finishing some things before he comes. Such as getting a new dresser for Isaac so the baby can have his. Cleaning all the baby clothes, sorting them and putting them away. Getting all the little things that we still needed for our little man like a changing pad because the one we had tore. Even though the baby is on the way there is still so much I did not get to do. For example with Isaac we started this tradition where we go to Build a Bear, and build a bear with our voices put on it with a special bible verse we chose just for them. I was really hoping to have Isaac bring that when he comes to visit in the hospital and Jesiah was going to have a gift for Isaac. Things are just not going as expected.

So speaking of things not going as expected as I quickly type this I am currently in labor.

Now here I am truly in the finally days. I am scheduled for a c-section as of August 3^rd. One week away. However contractions have already started. as of a week ago some labor pains here and there and then as of the 26^th of July I started having contractions every 20 minutes and then time cut in half by the evening. Knowing I wouldn't get any sleep I went to the hospital to see what the doctors thoughts were. Unfortunately for me they stopped the contractions, and I went home to rest, only to find that contractions are back. History seems to be repeating itself. For whatever reason my body doesn't dial-ate very well. The doctors goal is to try and prolong my delivery til the 3^rd, and my goal is to just get this baby out. So I am feeling discouraged and very tired, and in constant pain. So many emotions. So I guess we'll see how far this goes. To be honest I just don't think I can make it to August 3rd...I believe this baby may be here today.

Spring Break

I am now 23 weeks prego. A little more then half way there. These days the number one comment I get is "wow you have really popped".  Yes, I am getting huge, even with being on this diabetic diet. I feel healthy but let me tell you I can really go for some chili cheese fries, and a hot fudge Sunday from Handle's. One thing that I crave that I can have, is pickles. Yes, very cliche I know. As time draws nearer to having this baby, I feel it's very important to do some special events with Isaac.


This past week we have had quite the week. We went to Sawdust Factory where he got to paint and make a wooden flower pot. It turned out so good, I almost cried. Can you say hormones. I am so excited though to have something so special for us to hang up when we move into our new house. We took our one last trip to Chino Vally park. Today we went to the Upland Car Show. Of course Isaac had such a blast. He just loves cars. I say he's like his daddy. You know the type that has a fascination with just one thing. Jeff's is golf, and Isaac's is cars. I'm sure later on it will change but for now it's cars, trucks, and trains. Looking forward to taking a trip to the Wild Animal Park.

BOY or GIRL?

About 81/2 years ago I remember the moment that I saw Jeff I always felt like the holy spirit had at that moment spoke into my heart saying that one day I would marry him. Here we are married now for almost 4 years. During the time we dated, like most, I would day dream about what kind of family we would have. Again, I felt the LORD tell me that I would one day have his boys. In some ways I wasn't so happy about that. You see, I was a preschool teacher while we dated and my girls were easy, and my boys drove me nuts. So during that time I thought all I wanted was girls, and maybe one boy. So hearing from the LORD that one day I would have Jeff's boys, and the way he would talk like he was so certain to have boys drove me crazy, and was a little upsetting. But the LORD changed my heart and I accepted that I was going to have Jeff's boys. So our first, of course, was a boy. GOD was keeping his promise for our lives.

Here we are two years later after our first and excited to continue down GOD's promise for our lives. So we gathered the family together for cake and the revealing of our baby. We took the results into a bakery and had them make a white cake died blue with Bailey's filling and if it was a girl - pink champagne cake with pink champagne filling. So as we cut into our cake once again GOD's plan and promise had been unveiled, it was blue. We are pleased to announce we are having another boy. I am so excited to be a mother of boys, and one day men that will carry on GOD's will to start a legacy of men that our honorable and of GODLY character.

It's official I'm 12 weeks prego!

Today was an exciting day. Jeff, Isaac, and I went to see the ultrasound technician and we got to see our little baby. I thought having Isaac in the room would be a little tough, but I'm glad he got to come and see his baby brother or sister. This check up was to get an accurate measurement of the baby and how far along I truly am. There, we saw our little peanut with arms and legs and wiggling like crazy. I loved seeing our little baby. I wish I had pictures to show but unfortunately they don't hand them out this early any more. Bummer! However it is official, I am 12 weeks along. So we are looking at August 1st for the due date.

This pregnancy has definitely been different. With Isaac I had morning sickness pretty much all day, everyday. With this baby it's like a sneak attack. One minute I'll be feeling fine and dandy, and the next minute I'll feel like I want to vomit. As far as cravings go I would say that this baby is already like his daddy in some ways. I crave mint chocolate chip ice-cream that is Thrifty's brand. If you know Jeff, that is one of his favorites, and not so much mine. In the beginning I craved and sometimes still do, lots of red meat. Like steak and eggs for breakfast. Yeah, needless to say Jeff has had some good eats due to this baby. I try'd to stick to this bell fat diet, and decided I couldn't take it anymore because I crave milk...like crazy.

Not only am I officially 12 weeks prego, but I am also officially in prego clothes. Yes, it is true the bump is officially a bump. To be honest this is not my favorite part of  being pregnant. Seriously, why can't the baby grow in a flat stomach? I know it will be worth it in the end, but it still doesn't make me feel better. Not only does my baby bump grow but so does my ba-dunka dunk! NO ONE likes the Daisy Duck look, okay! Though one positive is that most would say you show sooner with your second, but I would say I'm about the same as when I was pregnant with Isaac. Okay I'm done ranting and raving.

Many more doctor appointments to come. I'll keep you all posted. Till next time, Love, peace and happiness.